If you think you might be harming your partner, or want to consider steps to change your behavior, the following are helpful starting points:

• Take responsibility for your actions. Sometimes people justify that someone else’s actions made them act the way they did, this isn’t true- YOU always have control over how you act and treat other people
• Make the change for yourself first, don’t do it just to keep your partner. Even if this relationship doesn’t continue, by changing your behavior now- you can develop healthy behaviors for future relationships
• Find a support person who you can be honest with about changing your behavior and who will hold you accountable
• Take a break. Spend time away from your partner and focus on you.
• Make the decision now to WALK AWAY from an argument before it escalates. Include your partner in this plan so that you can support each other in developing healthy behaviors
• Look at the people around you- if your friends or family are in abusive relationships themselves, distance yourself from them and if this isn’t possible pay attention to how you feel when you witness abuse between them. We often learn how to act from our family and peers, and sometimes they’re not the best role-models
• Be patient with yourself, change takes TIME. It might take a while before you feel confident in your ability to control your behavior and treat others like they deserve
• Look for a class or counseling locally: call our 24 hr. crisis line for local agencies and supports that could help you in your steps toward change